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Once, ages ago, I was an amoeba,
A tiny thing, a protist of one cell.
I'd never known of physics or photons;
I'd never dreamt of heaven or hell.

Looking back, I was a machine,
Some organelles, some carbon chains,
Mindlessly evolving,
Evolving mindless gains.

Once, ages ago, I was a sponge,
A porifera filtering the sea.
I'd never known of chemistry;
I'd never dreamt of you or me.

Looking back, I was a machine,
Soaking up ocean, finding nutrition,
Flagellas and enzymes,
Not sentient cognition.

Once, ages ago, I was a fish,
A chordate of gills and fins.
I'd never known of poems or prose;
I'd never dreamt of mortal sins.

Looking back, I was a machine,
Only moving to stay alive.
I was the remainder, the only one left
When other fish couldn't survive.

Once, ages ago, I was a snake,
A reptile of fang-tipped maw.
I'd never known of systems or sums;
I'd never dreamt of sacred law.

Looking back, I was a machine,
A vessel for instincts and not for thought.
My only interest, outside myself
Became the prey I sought.

Once, ages ago, I was a mouse,
A mammal who stirred in nights.
I'd never known of galaxies;
I'd never dreamt of moral rights.

Looking back, I was a machine,
Keeping predators at bay.
Thought was a tool that helped me
To live another day.

Once, ages ago, I was a man.
©2005-2009 ~Error732
:iconerror732:

Author's Comments

Make what you will of it.

Comments


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:iconcoolmodern:
I like it. :) hard-hitting finish as usual, and same profound simplicity to be seen. Keep up the good work.
:iconerror732:
Thanks ^^

(writing poetry is good but hardly work)
:icondutchshun:
I like how you start with the simplicity of a single cell amoeba
Yet its complex development through evolution evident
A religious hint too included with the mention of heaven & hell

The inclusion of a machine, cold & merely mechanical ~ interesting touch
A sponge ~ like a child soaking up knowledge regardless ~ learning
The use of fish, immediate draws the mind to the sea ~ nature
To swim ~ eat, breed on ~ survive, pure instinct no thoughts present

A hint of Adam & Eve a snake & respect for the law
Prey & predator too, life
To conclude machine & human thought instead of
A possible sex change !

· footnote – superb poetry
· some words, I would need to get out a dictionary
· would still struggle to understand the meaning of such clever usage of words
Amazing write

--
wishing well
coins desire
dreams ripple
:iconerror732:
Thanks,

-had to use a dictionary myself at points!
:icondutchshun:
Nice one !
Honesty counts to the square heart of my eye counts
Quantum mechanics machinery
Perfect reply to commentry
Love for perfection & dictionary
Can’t live without it for I am dyslexic
You Rock
Don't need a blind fold for I can see
Every single beat of quality time reads poetry

Check out fallingsilver if you like, fav on my page

--
wishing well
coins desire
dreams ripple
:iconkrakenface:
Very, very cool piece... one that really touches on the profound difference between man and beast, at least in my opinion. It does seem to me that the whole of this earth resembles an infinitely complex machine, and all the creatures within it are its components, each carefully programmed with a specific function to fulfill in order to sustain the whole. Men contain some of this programming, to some extent, but we are not bound to it... we can turn away from those functions ordained to us by nature, and become something higher. I think your poem expresses this idea both effectively and beautifully; I am greatly impressed by it.

--
My clubs:

*Altered-Anatomy-Club -- Deformation and distortion!!

~Mermafied -- Awesome non-traditional merfolk!!

~snapefanclub -- Fans of Severus Snape!!
:iconerror732:
Thank you;

My beliefs on man might surprise you.

I am curious to see what other opinions arise as well.

Duality is something I always like to use in poems.
:iconcatch-a-falling-star:
wow. this is complex thinking it seems here. The way it seems to be based on evolution, but not, is kinda mind boggling, and great all in the same sense. Wonderful job once again.

--
[Animal Bar]
:iconneowhitewind:
Beautiful, melodic feel to it.

You've created a beautiful dance of the scientific world and melody of poetry within this piece.

I love the fusion you have created.

Awesome and great work!

--
Tell me...

What can the eyes see?

Now tell me, what do the eyes of thought see? Awaken them, open them, and see pass the veil that shrouds the mortal eye.
:iconravendarkshadow:
Well Roli, let us really look at this piece. This is aspiring and truely I just like the flow and this ( can't think of words ) At first i thought it was goign to start of with like evolution, and in a way it kinda does and doesn't. Then you talk about a machine, how you were all these things and yet you were a mindless drone just going on with everything else in this universe, and then you all of a sudden were a man. How simple you have things, and then you mix them in so complexly.

--
Panda<3_I Rock ~Error732's Descriptive World_"Whatever drowns your dead body!_"Get Framed! ~bkcustomframing
In history artists strive to replicate things in nature or to express things of the imagination. As an artist my primary goal is vengeance.

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July 20, 2005
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